Notes from a Psychologist
Dr. Mel Whitehurst

The purpose of Notes from a Psychologist is to encourage and inspire the spread of realistic optimism and hope.  Optimistic thinkers tend to be happier and healthier. I'll keep posting new ideas periodically.

 
“I DID WHAT I DID BECAUSE I LOVED PEOPLE.”---ADOLF HITLER, PERHAPS HISTORY’S S MOST INFAMOUS SELF-JUSTIFIER.

We all have an impulse to justify ourselves and to avoid taking responsibility for any actions that turn out to be harmful, immoral, or stupid.  We’re all capable of believing things we know aren’t true.  And when the evidence finally proves us wrong, we often respond not with genuineness for the truth but with an audacious self-justification, restructuring the facts so we can claim we were right all along.  Logically, a person may keep this up for a long time.  However, sooner or later, a self-justified fabricated belief will more than likely collide with reality, leading to disastrous results.

Can you identify any well-known contemporary infamous self-justifiers?  I have a few in mind.

SOURCE

Mistakes Were Made (but not by Me) by Dr. Carol Tavris and Dr. Elliott Arnson.

      THE DREADFUL INCIDENT OF THE ELECTRIC PADDLE

When I was in the fourth grade, I became convinced that my teacher was horribly mean.  If you “acted up” in class, she would grab you by the arm, march you to the front of the classroom, order you to bend over, put your hands on your knees, and then delivered two sharp swats with her paddle.  I lived in constant fear of being humiliated, or maybe even being killed, in front of my classmates.

Then one day things changed dramatically.  Instead of administering a painful paddling in front of the class to a student, the teacher did something different.  My best friend Billy got caught talking out in class.  Instead of paddling him in front of everyone, my teacher escorted him to the principal’s office.  Billy never returned to class that day, but he showed up the next morning.  He told me the principal had instructed him to keep quiet about what had happened in the office.

Next the big rumor started on the playground.  The principal had an electric paddle in his office!  My fear level along with my classmates reached maximum capacity.  I could vividly imagine the horrors of an electric paddling.  

When I told my mother about the electric paddle, she smiled and said, “If you ever get sent to the principal’s office, unplug it when they’re not looking.”  At least I had a plan to survive. 

DO YOU EVER HAVE A THOUGHT THAT POPS UP IN YOUR MIND OUT OF NOWHERE?

I had one of those uninvited thoughts yesterday as I was sitting in the shade of my patio.  It was unusually hot, and I was thinking about going back inside, when out of nowhere, the word Satan popped into my mind.

Growing up I heard all kinds of ghastly tales about hell and its infamous leader Satan.  If you thought a bad thought, you could be thrown into a pit of fire and burn forever.  With my “awfulizing” personality, I could vividly imagine what it would be like to scorch forever, right down to the sizzle. 

Surprisingly, while sitting in the 95-degree shade, this strange attractor caused me to remember my efforts in elementary to not think mean thoughts. 

What are the odds that a cantankerous old man 75 years later would remember to think positive thoughts just to stay out of hell?

              SIX WAYS TO HELP YOUR DOCTOR HELP YOU

Here are six things I’ve learned from experience that you can do to “help your doctor help you” when you go to your next appointment.

For me, the description below depicts the perfect meeting with a doctor.  I am especially grateful that I have a doctor who does the six things I list.  However, it took changing doctors twice twenty years ago and a lot of “practice” in the doctor’s office to become skilled at helping my doctor help me. 

1.  Don’t assume your doctor walks into the examination room fully updated on your medical history.  Doctors are inundated with patients and complex medical issues, which may make it difficult for them to keep up without reviewing your medical history.  If you don’t hear references to your past conditions, medications, or recent treatments, you may need to briefly remind them of the key points.

2.  Notice whether your doctor sits down or meets you at eye level.  Communication is far more effective when you are eye-to-eye.  If your doctor stands over you and looks down, the power imbalance can shut down meaningful communication.  Do not let this happen if you can.  Suggest to your doctor that you understand better with direct face-to-face communication.  Be aware that some doctors may be offended when you suggest this, so stay calm, respectful, and steady.  Don’t allow yourself to feel submissive. 

3.  Does the doctor display a calm, unhurried demeanor?  A calm pace is essential to understanding.  If your doctor communicates to you hurriedly, slow them down.  Ask questions, talk slower, repeat questions if you do not understand.  Stay calm and persistent.

4.  Present all your symptoms.  Do not leave anything out, even those that may seem minor or unrelated.  (You could construct a list beforehand.)  If you feel rushed or sense that important details have not been explored, speak up.  You’re not being difficult—you’re making certain all facts are presented.

5.  When an examination has been completed, ask your doctor to fully explain the results in terms you can understand rather than jargon-filled and vague.  Don’t leave the office feeling confused or uncertain about your care.   

6.  Lastly, identify at least one thing your doctor did during the visit that deserves recognition, and let them know.  Doctors, like all of us, appreciate knowing that their efforts are noticed and valued.  A sincere compliment can help doctors feel their efforts were seen as worthwhile.

After departing the office, you should feel fully informed and genuinely supported with a full understanding of your examination results—follow‑up steps, timelines, diagnosis, medications, tests, and anything else that influences your care.

A SIMPLE SYSTEM FOR SIMPLE THINKERS DOING QUIETLY MEANINGFUL WORK

I am a proud member of THE ASSOCIATION OF INTERMITTENT THINKERS.  We are an optimistic, non-bureaucratic organization.  We have no bylaws, no policies, no rules, no membership list, and certainly no committees.  We do not hold meetings or get-togethers of any kind.  We simply set around and from time-to-time, think. 

To join all you have to do is silently say to yourself, “I’m now a member” and poof you are automatically enrolled.  If you can think, even intermittently, you qualify.

All you need to do is have at least one thought a day---or every few days---that you believe will make the world a better place.  Write your thoughts down and save them until you have one week’s worth of thoughts.  Pick one and publish it on either Facebook, LinkedIn, or other social media platforms.  Then start all over. 

Keep it up for five or six weeks, and you've earned a lifetime membership in a very special group: people who genuinely want to bring more hope and positivity to the world.

Just think how helpful your efforts could become if only one of your thoughts changed someone else’s life from despair to hope.

            TIP JAR YOURSELF TO FINANCIAL SUCCESS

Recently I read an obituary about a man who had a tip jar at his funeral service, (*) which inspired me to start thinking about the potential value of tipping.  What if each of us carried our own personal tip jar?  We take it everywhere we go like a purse or briefcase.  Dooney & Burke may even create a designer tip jar.

Imagine the possibilities.  We could all be getting daily tips for our good behavior.  For example, if I was especially nice to the checker at the grocery store, she/he could tip me.  People who consistently showed kindness, patience, and consideration might earn a small fortune.

Even so, there could be a downside, particularly if you are inclined like me to be somewhat cantankerous and snarly.  

*Taken from the Obituary of Robert Adolph Boehm.
*Endorsed by the Society of The Preservation of Merriment

                                          I QUIT

I hated playing football during my high school years.  I did it because I wanted to belong.  Then, somewhat irrationally I began playing in college.  A scholarship paid my way, and I had very little money, so I stayed with it for a while. 

For eight long years, I played a game I did not like—until one day, I quit! 

Many years later, I came to see this as a major turning point in my life. Quitting was not a sign of failure; it was a decision for me to take responsibility.

My quitting experience taught me to periodically look over my life activities, and when I can, quit those things that do not serve me well.  It simplifies my life.  

And over the years, I believe I’ve become a fairly effective “quitter".

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                      GET ME MY DANCING SHOES

I’m preparing to begin ballroom dancing lessons so I’ll be ready for the grand opening of the new White House ballroom. The only complication is that I’ll be dancing with a cane. Until now, I’ve only used it for walking—and for whacking anyone who gets in my way.

Has anyone ever seen a ballroom cane dancer? I suspect the dancing will be far more entertaining than starting a war or organizing an insurrection.

So far, not a single person has volunteered to be my dance partner---at last, something Republicans and Democrats can agree on.